Intoxicated Thoughts

Buying 2L of cranberry and vodka was the best decision I could have made for New Year’s Eve.

Now don’t get me wrong, alcohol is my current partner and probably always will be. So, to say that I was compensating for a lack of a boyfriend isn’t entirely wrong, although I love my friend and their partners too much to be bothered by the fact that they all had New Year’s kisses while I danced with a gecko. And a dolphin.

However, its another thing to see your ex shacked up with someone else. Not that it bothered me in the fact that he was taken after I cut him loose some year and a half earlier, but rather that someone had fallen for him.

After meeting this new woman and having a chat to her about anything other than our mutual ‘friend’ while getting nervous side eyes from him, I came to the conclusion that while she seemed nice enough, she appeared to be making the same mistake I did.

Not salt, just the truth. My mum and friends will confirm.

Anyway, that’s besides the point. I remember making a comment to a mate that I was salty he had found someone before I had, and being 3 wines and 1.75L of cranberry and vodka deep, I wasn’t quite sober enough to get sad.

Instead I lived my best life and consumed all the alcohol that was available to me.

Lying in bed was another problem. 2am and my brain was pretty set on making me miserable, wondering where I had gone wrong. I couldn’t work out if it there was something so completely off putting about me, or if the new woman just had low standards.

Not that I’m actively looking for someone. I mean, Tinder is generally just full of dudes who want sex, and the lack of males in my life and my uni classes don’t help either. Plus, the fact that I’m introverted except for when I’m intoxicated makes my chances even better. Not.

Introverted-ness aside, there’s been three guys over the last year and a half that have shown interest, even if one was from Tinder, the other drunk and the third too religious and judgemental. None of them progressed very far, at all. But I won’t lie, that didn’t really bother me because I generally prefer to be on my own and not have to worry about someone else’s feelings.

And after seeing my brother get dumped for no reason at all, I’ve come to think of relationships as a little overrated. The last thing I want to do is trust my feelings to someone and get my lil heart broken over some meaningless reason. Sure, I’d probably brush it off on the outside because that’s just what I do, but if I get too invested, I would break.

I hate that this has all come from seeing my ex with someone else. Catch me on any other day and I love being single, free to live on my own agenda and do whatever the hell I want, when I want.

But catch me in the early hours of 2019 wondering why I’m 20 and still single, and continually thinking that my parents had met by this age and were married three years later.

Like help.

I’m in two minds right now. One part of me is like: @god if you’re out there, hook a sister up. Either grant me some confidence or a man cos you best believe I wanna be a young mum, and to do that I need to have found someone yesterday.

And the other part is saying: you do you. If you wanna be single, be single. Own it, you don’t need a man. And while you’re living life doing that, you may come across someone anyway.

Honestly though, a girl is stressing over here. She ain’t bothered about not having a man, but she is, a little. And she’s okay. Just praying she’ll stay away from anything ex-related so she doesn’t have a mental breakdown.

TDLR: avoid going to parties with ex’s because you may begin to think you were the problem in the relationship when really, you didn’t do anything wrong and you should continue living your best single life (while kinda also looking for a man).

 

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Welcome to an update in Jordan’s personal life, which you probably didn’t need to know about, but you now do. You’re welcome.

 

 

 

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