A theory of effortless love ☘︎ Drunk(-ish?) edition ☘︎

Back again, several weeks after not posting anything, with a bottle of white wine mixed with sparkling peach (yes, I’m a lightweight let’s move on). In the midst of listening to Queen and watching season 2 Doctor Who, I thought ( as I seem to always do, shocking, I know) about miscommunication and the desire for effortless love (because isn’t that a normal train of thought? Rhetorical question, bitch).

Anyway, communication, effortless love, why would you need communication for effortless love? Well, long story short, effortless love doesn’t exist. 

Now, here’s the long story/theory of mine. 

Us as a species, are incredibly socially selfish, we like it when people can understand us and comfort us, without us making any effort, when we ourselves may not know what’s going on in our head, but other people can still react and respond in an appropriate/appreciative manner that makes us feel understood and safe. 

As traumatic as everything else in our lives, this stems from childhood experiences and our own parents. 

From the moment we’re born, most parents made quick work of understanding our needs because we ourselves never even understood we needed certain things to survive and grow. 

At certain times of the day when we started to get upset or cranky, parents understood whether it was food, sleep or to shit is what we needed, we ourselves never had to understand those needs, and we never excepted to because we were infants.

Then we grew, into toddlers and children, at these times most parents still relatively understood what we needed without us having to tell them or even attempt to explain it. We were grouchy? Just needed sleep. Cranky?needed food. Restless? We needed to play and expend energy. 

For most, our parents did this so well, that it has created a latter issue in our teen years and long after, we want to be understood without communicating. We EXCEPT to be understood, for some reason, this is ten-fold excepted from our parents and romantic partners

We give them the cold shoulder, a sly side look, a frank answer and they are immediately expected to understand what our woes are because that’s what always happened in our childhood, because our parents always understood without us having to understand or even completely comprehend what the notions/thoughts going through our head really meant. 

In teen years when parents say their children aren’t communicating with them, well, they are, teens want to be understood and so they act the way they always have. They give parents the cold shoulder, a sly side look and a frank answer, it had always worked in the past, so why not now?

Well, teens are coming into the years where they not only need their minimum physical needs met, but an emphasis on their mental needs too. What a lot of teens and people older don’t understand is that this effortless love they received as children, wasn’t effortless. 

Parents cried tears of frustration when you were asleep, were hungry and starving while they spoon fed you from your seat, they were exhausted a and tired at the end of the day after taking care of you, yet if they were good parents you never knew. 

This effortless love, that we want from another, never existed, it never will. Why would you expect it, when you could never give it?

It’s bullshit if you think about it long enough. Effortless love is a lie. Just talk, say if you’ve got an issue with someone, talk through these things with one another. If they can’t handle it, it’s not your problem. At the end of the day, just don’t be pissed that the towels weren’t folded right, just because you didn’t get hugged enough at night. Don’t expect to be understood if you don’t understand yourself.

That’s my drunk theory/rant over. Ya girl pissed that some people don’t communicate properly or just be bloody honest. And if you’re thinking, ‘her sentences/grammar isn’t bad enough for her to be drunk’, bitch, I’m a writer, I care too much about sentence structure even when intoxicated, plus I’ve got Grammarly, bitch. 

3 thoughts on “A theory of effortless love ☘︎ Drunk(-ish?) edition ☘︎

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